i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
we're so committed to being not committed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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