..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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