I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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