Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize