Acid is not a monday night drug
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
