Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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