im drinking this country out of the recession.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
