Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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