This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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