Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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