I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
