...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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