Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can I color on your dick again?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
