Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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