Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
