Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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