I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
