I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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