just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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