I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
