What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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