did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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