like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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