Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
