Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
