whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i will never coherently bang her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
