If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
