My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
