i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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