He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
