When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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