stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize