I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
