Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
