This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
