I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
