He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
