In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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