i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
