i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
