Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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