it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
