He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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