Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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