saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
