JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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