too bad you live with your parents still
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
