My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
