This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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