I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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