I heard we made out
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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