it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
