I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
