I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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