She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
