Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In other news, I just burned my penis
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
