I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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