3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
