God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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