Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
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I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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