Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
