So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
