my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
