Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
