i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
