Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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