Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
