She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
