also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
