Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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