I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i dont even know how to be here
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
