i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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