dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
