The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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