Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
