Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
