omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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