I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I love you.
Bad choice
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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