pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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