just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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