i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
