i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
