I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
